Belonging

i know i just posted a super-duper-long entry yesterday, but today i had an incredible CI moment at work. because i don't want to just brush it off and write about it the next time i feel inspired, i figured i would share it ASAP.

during our daily "synopsis-meeting" today at my new job, two staff members were discussing a client they had just visited. because i just starting working at this agency (8 lovely days ago), i do not have much to say about the people we service. the new staff training involves a lot of listening, reading and observing, but not much talking.

anyway, everyone was talking about this one particular client, except for me and another new staff member. amazingly (or not so much anymore?) i was able to follow along with the conversation, even though there were 5 people taking part in this animated discussion. "Betty" said something, then "Missy" said something and then "Kevin" said something and then "Bob" said something and "Kathy" said something and then "Betty" and "Missy" and "Kevin" and so on and so on... back and forth it went.

at one point, someone made a silly comment about something that happened. for some odd reason, i was feeling brave enough to put in my 2 cents -- so i did -- and then the most wonderful thing happened: everyone laughed. they actually laughed at my joke! little Linda, the quiet Mental Health Advocate, who just started her new job, made a joke causing everyone around the table -- and i do mean everyone -- to crack up. i was in HEAVEN.

now, this may not seem like that big of a deal to the normal-hearing people who joke around in group situations all the time, BUT it was a fantastic moment for me. to be able to follow along during a conversation that 5 people at a time were having, and then to JUMP IN WITH A JOKE, is unheard of for me. i just don't do it... or at least, i didn't used to do it.

obviously, that is going to change now. today i found something inside of me that i didn't realize i had, and thought i lost (right along with my hearing last October): CONFIDENCE.

it was a good day... a good day, indeed.

Almost Six Months Since Activation

due to a variety of factors -- laziness, busy-ness, new-job-ness -- i have been very lacking in updating this blog. i see the (small) amount of people that actually visit this site and wonder if: (a) it's worth updating since not that many people read it anymore, or (b) it's worth updating so that more people will read it. obviously, i decided upon the latter...

in no particular order of importance, here are some CI moments/observations/experiences i've had since my last CI mapping in May:

• i thought i heard a dog barking in the hallway at my old job... i said to myself, 'what would a dog be doing at a medical billing company???' and then realized, it WAS a dog! i know i should trust my hearing more, but wow... it's still so new to me
  
• if i happen to be watching a television commercial that isn't close-captioned, i don't panic as much as i used to... i actually welcome the challenge of "having to" figure out what is being said by forcing myself to actually LISTEN to the narration
  
• at a friend's BBQ last month, a friend of mine whom i hadn't seen since BEFORE my CI surgery in January had called my name when i was walking away from him... i heard him (naturally!) and turned around to see what he wanted: 'just checking' is what he said to me -- he was testing out my CI to see if it really works... i was beaming when i realized that my CI had "passed" the test (not that i was surprised)
• whenever the cleaning crew at my old job would vacuum the office, i found it to be way too loud, so i'd just turn down the volume on my body-worn processor... now that i think about it, i don't think i will ever get used to the annoying sound of a vacuum cleaner
• my former co-worker called my name from across the room and i heard her... when i turned around, she had a huge grin on her face because she didn't have to call my name 7,392 times before i responded to her
• the clocks ticking at work -- they have gotten louder and more distinct than i ever remember clocks sounding
• female voices sound more normal to me than they did when my CI was first hooked-up, although my friend Rachel's voice is the most high-pitched i know... sometimes i have trouble following her on the phone because she sounds so squeaky... i wonder if this will ever change/get better
• whenever i hear children talking, their voices are difficult for me to "digest" as well... i guess i have to get used to listening to kids, but since i don't have any -- or know anyone that has any -- this may take a while (which is fine with me!)
• sometimes, when i'm tired or feeling lazier than usual, i "cheat" and read people's lips instead of really LISTENING to them... i realize i do this more than i should or more than i need to
  
• i find it harder to block out other people's conversations (on their cell phones, for example) because now i can understand what they're talking about... i have to learn how not to eavesdrop!
• i notice more and more that cashiers say 'Have a nice day!' when i am paying for something... it's amazing how polite some people are
• i also can hear the total cost of a purchase now without having to see the actual amount rung up on the cash-register... this is great and saves me a lot of embarrassment from giving a cashier the wrong amount of money
• i still listen to the radio every morning during my drive to work and then most afternoons when i drive home... i absolutely LOVE hearing the news and understanding almost everything that is being said
  
• on the other hand, i haven't really been listening to music because i enjoy listening to the talking part of the radio
  
• i really, really, really enjoy talking on the phone now -- especially my cell phone -- and find myself deliberately making calls to people just so i can hear them!
• if my CI batteries die, i abhor the minute or two of silence that i have to endure as i change them... if my hearing aid battery dies, it's NO BIG DEAL -- in fact, all the HA really does is slightly help me determine the direction sounds are coming from
• with the recent hot weather we've been having, the air-conditioning is constantly turned on in our condo... well, i find myself having an easier time hearing my husband than he does hearing me -- it's awesome!
• my brother has a tendency to tap me on the shoulder to get my attention -- i just tell him, 'you can talk to me even if i'm not looking at you' because he still hasn't gotten used to it... this is much fun for me
  

i am due for another CI mapping (tune-up) in August, so if anything new comes up or i experience any more exciting CI moments, i promise to update this site sooner. i guess that's it for now. thank you to those of you who still read my bloggings -- your patience is much appreciated!

:o)

really quick CI moment

i just *had* to post this RIGHT AWAY because it was sooo cool!

just a little while ago, i was in the living room sitting at my computer while my husband was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower.

all of a sudden, i hear this "snip... snippety-snip... snip... snip-snip" sound coming from the bathroom and i just knew what it was: hubby was trimming his toenails...

...and i actually HEARD him!

wow.

it's been a while since i had a CI moment like this. yup-yup, my "bionic ear" is working very well.

YIPPEEE FOR MEEE!!!

Date of Evaluation: May 26, 2005

i went for my 3-month evaluation and mapping session and wanted to share how things went. i was thinking of summarizing what happened, but then decided to just type out what the report said. yes, i'm lazy, but this is way more accurate than anything i could come up with!

there is a bunch of technical stuff in there, but if you read beyond it, you can see how well i am doing:

HISTORY: This patient was seen for a three month follow-up cochlear implant mapping session. The patient reports that she is receiving fair benefit from her implant, however notes that at times she feels it needs to be made louder. Additionally, the patient reports receiving good benefit from her hearing aid to the opposing ear.

AUDIOLOGICAL RESULTS: "T" and "C" levels were obtained and one new map was created. One map was an ACE map with ADRO, which was for the SPrint processor and one map was an upgrade of the patient's current Esprit 3G map to improve on loudness. Testing in the sound field with ADRO map revealed thresholds at 30 dB at 250 Hz and 25 dB at 500 through 8,000 Hz. Discrimination in sound field via CD was 100%. Hearing in noise test was obtained at 55 dB with 35 dB as noise and revealed a test score of 100%.

IMPRESSION: Based on today's findings, the patient is receiving excellent benefit from her maps as recorded.

RECOMMENDATIONS: Re-mapping in three months or sooner if the patient notes any problems.

i must say that i am very happy with the way things are going. even though i cannot use the ADRO program in my 3G processor, i am extremely pleased.

i will be posting kinda-new CI moments later this week. i apologize for taking so long to update this, but things have been hectic!

yes, i'm alive... and hearing well!

i know, i know... it's been a LONG time since i last posted, but there are several reasons for this:

1. i haven't had many "new" CI moments lately, even though my implant has been working WONDERFULLY;
2. i have been super busy with life and work and all the stress surrounding the two;
3. i wasn't sure how many people were really reading my blog until the last few weeks when THREE (3!) separate people asked me when i'll be updating it;
4. i'm lazy.

i have a few stories/anecdotes to share that are interesting, but i have to take the time to put them all together first. i figured that in the meantime, i would sort of announce my "comeback" before my fellow blog-readers gave up on me completely.

thanks for your patience... see y'all again in a few days!

:o)

An update and a farewell... for now.

i think this will be the last post in this blog... for a while, at least.

i haven't had any earth-shattering CI moments lately, although my hearing has been working very well. i'm still listening to the radio every morning on my way to work, i play my favorite CD's, i talk on the phone (both cell and land line) AND i don't rely on lip-reading as much. IT'S GREAT!

last weekend, my friend and i ordered the movie Stepford Wives through Movies On Demand. for some reason, the closed-captioning wasn't working. naturally, i was distraught because i NEED to read the captions in order to understand the movie... or so i thought.

instead of complaining about how Cablevision ripped me off by "fooling" me into purchasing a movie that wasn't captioned, i decided to hook up my processor directly to the television by way of the personal audio cable. with this little gadget, the sound from the movie was transmitted directly into my processor, so i heard it very clearly. it's amazing how much of the movie i understood because when it ended, i didn't think i missed anything (which is usually the case when i can't follow along). i felt so accomplished because i actually heard the movie! with a combination of listening really hard and speech-reading the characters' lips, i was able to follow The Stepford Wives with hardly any problems.

in short, the cochlear implant is an INCREDIBLE piece of technology. it has changed my life so much in many wonderful ways. i have no complaints whatsover, no regrets either and if i had to do this all over again, i would. END OF STORY.

before i wrap up this blog, i just wanted to say "Thank you!" to all of you who read my postings on a regular basis. i wish there was more for me to type, but unless i have some unusual CI moment or find myself hearing things better, i don't have anything to type about.

i do have an appointment to go for another mapping session with my audiologist next month, so maybe after that happens, i will have some new hearing stories to share.

in the meantime, if anybody has any questions/comments/compliments/complaints, PLEASE feel free to e-mail me at lindahear@optonline.net... i will gladly get back to you.

happy hearing!

:o)

i'm really deaf... for real

this morning, while getting ready for work, i walked into my bedroom and saw that my alarm clock was still vibrating (the light was blinking -- i didn't actually see the vibration... duh).

well... turns out, i didn't shut the alarm off when i first woke up -- i pressed the snooze button instead. (i know i'm not the only one who's ever done this!)

well, imagine my horror when i felt the pillow and noticed that it was WARM to the touch. my poor alarm clock -- it was vibrating for a good 20 minutes before i turned it off.

obviously, i wasn't wearing my CI *or* my hearing aid, otherwise i would have HEARD it!

grrrrr... how embarrassing... and what a waste of energy.

thank goodness my pillow didn't explode or something. how would i explain that to my husband? 'umm... honey? our bed is on fire because i let the alarm clock cook my pillow... ooops.'

:-/