It's getting easier to hear without lipreading!

i'm not sure if these are considered actual "CI moments" but i still think they're worth reporting:

• this past weekend, my family and i went out to a Czech restaurant for dinner... while i sat in the back seat, my mother and father were in the front, and we had a conversation during the car ride there... although i needed some repeats, i pretty much understood what my parents were saying to me EVEN THOUGH I WASN'T FACING THEM
• my husband and i were talking to a friend of ours at a bar; music was playing in the background, so i had a difficult time hearing what our friend was saying, BUT with a combination of lip-reading *and* listening with my CI, i was able to follow the conversation
• the television at my parents' house doesn't have the closed-captioning turned on because i don't live there anymore... well, i was watching some t.v. with my family and forced myself to follow the dialogue without turning on the CC; it was difficult, and i missed quite a bit (especially when the talking was fast), but i know i'm improving because i picked up a lot more than i thought i would
  
• i was test-driving a Pontiac G6 today... because my hubby was in the passenger seat, the salesman sat in the back; again, i had to follow what the guy was saying without looking at him directly and did pretty well... and NOW i'm the proud owner of the very car i speak of (no, that's not related to my cochlear implant, but i want to brag anyway)
  

as awful as this NJ weather is, it turned out to be a pretty darn good weekend!

:o)

People Forget That I Can Hear

i notice that when someone is talking to me and i happen to look away for a split second (to maybe write something down, reach for something, etc.), the person actually stops talking and waits for me to look back at him or her.

it's sooo fascinating to me how after all these years, people have it ingrained in them that i need to speechread in order to understand what is being said (which is totally understandable and makes me feel good that they care). if i'm not facing whoever is talking, that person figures (mistakenly) that i'm not hearing what they're saying.

obviously, now that i have my CI, i can understand speech without lipreading... and it's AMAZING. the funny thing is, i don't get to do it much because whoever i'm talking to, will stop talking until i look at them again!

here are a couple examples:

• my husband will walk up to me from across the room so he can tap me on the shoulder to get my attention; i'll tell him, 'just call my name... i can hear you!' we both laugh about it because it's sooo cool that i can hear him call my name. hubby just needs to get used to it
• during a staff meeting, i take notes on what my boss is saying, BUT whenever i look down at my paper to write something, he stops talking. i admit that it's entertaining for me to listen to my boss interrupt himself whenever i look away: 'you will be putting --' LOOK DOWN, LOOK UP '-- the mailings together so --' LOOK DOWN, LOOK UP '-- that they get sent --' LOOK DOWN, LOOK UP '-- out on time.' hehe... (no, i don't do this to everyone; i just think my boss is a dork and doesn't appreciate me, so whatever... and yes, i know i need to get a new job -- SOON ENOUGH!)
  

;o)

Some More CI Moments

• this morning, i was putting on my gloves (thanks to the wonderful winter weather we're having) and heard my hands go "swissshhh" inside them. i'm not really sure how to describe the sound, but it was very distinct... i can't believe that hands slipping inside a leather glove make noise
• before i got my CI, i used to have to put my cell phone on vibrate and keep it in my lap because i could never hear it while driving... well, now i can actually hear my phone ringing inside my purse! it's not on my lap, it's not next to me on the seat, it's IN MY PURSE -- and i can hear it
• when i press the lock button on the remote for my car, i can hear the doors go "click" as they lock up... with my HAs, i used to have to look at the car and watch for the headlights/taillights blinking, which indicated that the doors were locked... NOW i can hear the clicking sound as i'm walking away from my car
• i heard a plane in the sky this morning... and it's LOUD!

(it's only 10 am and i've already experience all these great CI moments... WOO-HOO!!!)

:o)

Believe it or not, but I've never met anyone with a cochlear implant.

isn't that the oddest thing?

wouldn't it make more sense for me to know TONS of cochlear implant recipients before i decided to get the surgery myself?

this thought has been bugging the bejeeezus out of me for the last few weeks.

i need to meet a fellow "CI-er" soon!!!

:-O

FIRE! FIRE!

this evening, my husband installed a smoke/CO2 detector in the hallway next to our kitchen. while i was making dinner, it FREAKED out and started blaring "FIRE! FIRE!" over and over again. no, there was no fire -- the detector was responding to dinner baking in the oven. i didn't realize it was that sensitive, but that's besides the point...

i was minding my own business, setting the table, when the "FIRE! FIRE!" startled me. ironically, my (left) implanted ear was fine because my processor is set on an autosensitivity program. it was my unimplanted ear that was hurting. mind you, the smoke detector's warning screech is supposedly 85db LOUD. my hearing loss (w/o my HA) is supposed to be at 100db. it amazes me i could hear the alarm going off without my hearing aid in my right ear... so much so that the sound actually hurt me.

my poor hubby was hurting, too -- and got to experience firsthand how "wonderful" tinnitus is!

:-P

Another CI Moment

while deeply engrossed in a project at work, i wasn't paying attention to anything going on around me. my boss was in a different room -- across from my desk on the other side of the office -- when he called my name. i thought i heard someone say my name, but i honestly did not believe that i could really hear from that "far" away... so i ignored it and kept on working.

well, a few seconds went by and i heard my boss call my name again, so i looked up and sure enough, saw him coming towards me. i know my boss didn't realize what just happened (he's pretty clueless when it comes to my CI moments). because his voice is rather nasally and sounds a bit feminine, the fact that i DID hear him (from across the office) is a huge deal for me.

my only complaint about this is that i don't have "more important" people witnessing my CI moments. they are so special and fleeting and usually happen during the day while i'm at work. it's a shame that i can't share then with my friends or family more often. the most they can possibly get out of it is whatever they read in my blog -- and that's not enough in my opinion.

i wonder if anyone else shares a similar sentiment.....

:o(

Different Engines Make Different Sounds!

it's funny how different an 8-cylinder car engine sounds compared to a 4-cylinder one. this is what i figured because it's logical, but i didn't expect to notice it so much!

the cars i am referring to are my husband's big-a$$ Oldsmobile Aurora versus my itty-bitty Ford Contour. i'm sure normal-hearing people are gonna say to themselves, "well, DUH! of course the engines sound different," but they can't even imagine how amazing the differences are to me.

wow... who would've thought something as non-girly as car engines would fascinate me!

Two Weeks Later

i've been experiencing some more really cool CI moments the last couple of days:

• i finally began using the TV/HiFi Cable -- this accessory connects my speech processor to A/C or D/C powered equipment (such as a television, stereo or computer) and has opened up a whole new world of sounds and voices and background noise for me
• while watching Will & Grace, i heard the laugh track in the background for the first time EVER... yes, i used to hear laughter on comedy shows before, but it was never this distinct or annoying... i couldn't help but wonder: how can people enjoy watching t.v. with that incessant laughter in the background???
• i have been able to "beat" the closed-captions on t.v. -- for example, a phone will ring or there is a knock at the door... well, in the past, i would have had to read the caption "phone ringing" or "knocking on door" and then i would know what was happening... NOW, i actually hear the sound before i read the captioning!
• when i was changing the sheets on my bed, i heard the pillow case make a "swooshing" sound as i was pulling it over the pillow... CLOTH actually makes a sound!
• while i was reading the menu at a very noisy (and very good) Chinese restaurant, my brother said my name to get my attention... thinking nothing of this, i looked up at him and saw this HUGE smile on his face... he was so surprised and said to me, 'You heard me!" it was a lovely moment between the 2 of us
  
• while visiting some friends for a coffee/tea get-together, i heard the heat blowing, the radio playing, the phone ringing and was STILL able to make out what people were talking about... there was a lot of background noise in that apartment, but gosh darn it, i managed!
  

Minnie Mouse Madonna

i used to be a huge fan of Madonna's music, but not anymore...

yesterday, while driving home from work, i decided to listen to a CD mix my hubby left in the car. the first (and only) song i enjoyed was Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" (from the movie Dangerous Minds). it's got a great beat to it (the bass is awesome) and i enjoy the lyrics.

then i started listening to Madonna's La Isla Bonita and couldn't help but CRINGE. her voice sounds nothing like the way i remember it from my childhood. a friend of mine made a good point the other day: my taste in music is probably going to change now that everything sounds so different with my CI. what if the music i always liked will actually sound BAD now? the idea of this is so sad... and Madonna is a case in point.

i wonder if anyone else with a CI has had this experience. it can't possibly be *that* unique!

Scary ShopRite Silence

i went grocery shopping on Wednesday evening after work. while walking through the produce section, my bwp emitted its low-battery-warning beeps and then -- SILENCE. since i left my purse in my car (i only had my wallet on me), i couldn't change my batteries. walking through the supermarket in complete silence was terrifying.

i did my best to avoid people so that i wouldn't have to talk to anyone. i even went to the self-check-out register so i could do everything without anyone's help. at one point, the computer was malfunctioning (something about me not weighing the bananas before bagging them) and i FREAKED. i did *not* want to talk to people! fortunately, i was able to resolve the banana-bagging error and left the silence of the store as quickly as i could. how pathetic of me to feel this helpless.

considering i have been HOH all my life, it's ironic that this has never happened to me. i always had my HAs on in the past and was given plenty of warning ahead of time to change the batteries before they went completely dead. besides, since i wore 2 HAs, i could always flip the batteries because they never died at the same time. for some reason, my processor beeps only once and then the batteries die -- within a few seconds.

i gotta find out from my audiologist if there is some way to increase the time frame between "batteries running low" and "complete deafness" because it was NOT a fun experience.

'Based on today's findings, results suggest that Linda is receiving excellent benefit from her implant...'

for those of you who follow this sort of thing, here are the Audiological Results from my first two mappings:

"T" and "C" levels were obtained and three MAPs were created. Two MAPs were Ace MAPS and one MAP was a Speak MAP. Electrode #13 was disenabled in the Speak MAP as the patient reported discomfort. Testing in sound field with the Ace MAP revealed thresholds of 30 dB at 500 Hz and 4000 Hz, 25 dB at 1000 Hz, 35 dB at 2000 Hz and 3000 Hz, and 40 dB at 6000 Hz. CID sentenses obtained at 55 dB in sound field using a CD withouth visual cues revealed scores of 86% for the Ace MAP and 52% for the Speak MAP.

to the untrained eye (like mine), this all looks like gibberish... but i think it is safe to assume that 86 percent on any test is a good result!

Thank you, Bob Marley!

after my whining yesterday about how i miss music and how sad i am because it doesn't sound the way i remember it with my HAs, i decided to just "F*** IT!" (pardon my French) and turn on the radio on my way to work this morning.....

i put on a Bob Marley CD and was prepared to hear nothing but noise and squeakiness and tinny distortions, but nooo... i heard MUSIC and it was wonderful!

i cranked the bass up all way so i could really feel the beat of "Is This Love?" (my tinnitus is worse now because of it, but it was SO worth it). when "No Woman, No Cry" came on (which happens to be "our song" for me and hubby), i actually got tears in my eyes... it sounded *that* amazing.

i must admit that Bob Marley's voice did sound a bit like he inhaled too much helium, but it was definitely better than any female singer i've heard so far.

who would've thought that my FIRST positive musical experience would involve Reggae!

One Week and A Day Post-Activation

here are some additional CI moments i've been experiencing the last few days:

• my husband's voice actually started to sound "normal" -- the way i remembered it with my HAs... this is sooo nice!
• i use an e-mail program called Incredimail that says "WELCOME!" when you open it... well, i never heard/understood what the voice was saying until a couple of days ago and it *shocked* the heck out of me
• when i heard myself sneeze for the first time, i giggled... nobody ever told me how cute i sound... hehe
• i finally used the telephone at work today and am having a BLAST with it!!! i hooked up the adapter to the phone and then to my processor and it sounds incredible... i don't remember hearing so clearly on the phone before with my HAs and am absolutely ecstatic... too bad my boss/co-workers don't realize how huuuge of a deal it is for me, but what do they know... HMPH.
• i actually OVERHEAD bits and pieces of a conversation someone was having at work without even trying to listen... this is such a new phenomenon for me -- i am not used to eavesdropping at all! the few things i picked up were, 'did you eat your breakfast yet?' and 'it's a cloudy day today.' these aren't exactly earth-shattering statements, but wow... i heard them!
• the pouring rain is reeeally distracting -- it seems as if i am listening to each individual rain drop hitting the roof of my car... rain DOES go "pitter-patter" outside... how cool is that?
  
• i was having a conversation with my boss (about my CI) and thought we were done talking, so i started walking away and heard him say 'that's great' AFTER i left the room... he must think i'm really rude, but i honestly didn't realize he wasn't finished talking to me... ooopsie
• while washing dishes, i heard a "clink-clinkety-clinking" sound and didn't know where it was coming from -- well, it was the metal zipper-end from my sweater tapping against the granite countertop as i was leaning over the sink... what a lovely sound!

i don't mean to be a wet rag (is that the term?), but here are some "complaints" i have:

• the tinnitus in my head hasn't gotten any quieter... i wonder if it will ever go away... am i actually going to have to get used to this? EEEK!
• i miss the way music sounds -- i know better than to expect my favorite band or musician to sound as beautiful as they used to before i lost my hearing, but still... i'm sad
  
• my friend's voice used to sound so soft and feminine, but now it's all sorts of squeaky and whispery -- oh, well... with time it will get better, i know!
  

:o)

More CI Moments

well, it's obviously not as exciting as it was the first couple of days, but each day gets better and better...

• i spent the day with my mother today and noticed that her voice was starting to sound more normal, like it used to with my HA's -- this was a pleasant relief
• while at my parents' house, i was cuddling with Grey, one of their cats (he used to be my baby until i moved out)... well, i heard him purring!
  
• i heard my cell phone ringing in the living room while i was in the bedroom... granted, our apartment is tiny, but this such a new thing for me -- and even though i don't actually *answer* my cell phone (unless it's my husband, brother or parents), i still love hearing it ring!
  
• i can hear people IM me when i am online; it's great not missing messages from my friends anymore
• i can understand more and more of what my husband is saying when i am not looking at him... being able to communicate without having to speechread all the time is saving both of us SO MUCH time, effort and frustration
  
• the dishwasher makes a rather disturbing sound, which makes me feel sorry for our downstairs neighbors (but only a little because they're mean people to begin with... hehe)
  

i guess that's it, then..... so here's to another great sound-filled day!

Part of the hearing world again... little by little

it is has been 3 days since my initial activation and one day since my 2nd mapping session and things are sooo much better... or better yet, things SOUND so much better. my biggest complaint by far is the tinnitus i keep hearing. it's a constant buzzing sound inside my head that will *not* go away. what's even worse is that it actually becomes louder when i turn my processor off. UGH. i am told that in time the tinnitus will go away, but who knows... it's still pretty annoying.

before i get into any of the fun details of what my CI has enabled me to hear, i wanted to clarify a few things. putting up an online journal has it's advantages and disadvantages -- it's great being able to share my thoughts and feelings with everyone because the support has been tremendous; on the other hand, i feel silly when i find out that i've "messed up" with the details in my previous postings.

first, i found out that "Sally" is actually Sara and that she isn't in training. she is a seasoned audiologist, just like Judy (who works with me) and Kathleen are. all 3 of them have been extremely helpful during my hook-up and mapping sessions and i am grateful for their guidance. second, when my C-levels (comfort) are set, i'm not supposed to push myself to see 'how loud i could handle the beeping.' i'm supposed to let the beeps be loud, but comfortable... not 'barely tolerable.' i realized this "mistake" after my second mapping -- louder sounds lost their shrill, squeaky quality. it definitely makes a difference. third, i forgot to mention the run-through test of my implant before it gets turned on -- after the C and T levels are set, Judy does a check of all the electrodes by "sweeping" through them. this way, i can tell her if the loudness is the same for each one or if any need to be adjusted.

now, back to my CI..... even though everyone says 'it will get better... just give it time... wait and see...' it's hard to imagine your hearing *changing* on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. now that some time has passed since i was first hooked-up and i'm already trying out a 4th program on my SPrint bwp (body worn processor), i am absolutely AMAZED at how different everything is.

i have noticed sounds i NEVER heard before with my HA's (hearing aids). everything is much clearer, crisper, and more distinct. even the simplest sounds have taken on new characteristics. certain noises even shock me after i realize what they are or where they're coming from. my husband is having a great time with it because he's around to witness my "CI moments" every day.

because i LOVE writing (as people can see after reading my posts), i have been keeping a journal of all my hearing experiences. since i am just plain tuckered out and do not have much in me to compose another lengthy novel, i figured i would keep things simple (yeah, right) by making a list of my CI moments.

i have listed the sounds pretty much in the order that i *first* heard/noticed/became aware of them:

FIRST DAY

• my shoes went clickety-clack against the tile floor -- they were LOUD and annoying
• when i went to pee, it was the cutest sound ever -- like tinkling bells or giggling fairies... very adorable!
• toilet flushing was AWFUL -- howling hyenas
• i decided to be brave/stupid by calling my brother on my cell phone... and i understood (almost) everything he said... he did have to repeat himself and slow down quite a bit, but i did comprehend what he was saying to me -- THIS was very surprising, obviously
• my husband scratching his leg in the car -- he was wearing jeans and i actually heard the scratching sound his nails made against the denim
• the brakes squeaking on our car -- no wonder hubby wants to get them fixed!
• clinking of metal utensils on a glass plate -- a very pretty tinkling sound
• while driving home IN THE DARK, without reading my husband's lips, i was able to pick up a *lot* of what he was telling me... including his giggling because he was so excited
• overheard a friend's boyfriend say "egg drop soup" when he was reading a Chinese take-out menu... normally, this would not be a big deal, but i wasn't looking at him AND i was sitting on the other side of the room!
• the blinking of the turn signal, while driving in traffic... i used to hear this with my HA's, but not *while* driving (the roar of the road was too loud)
• my keyboard clacking really loudly as i typed at my computer - WOW
• the fan inside my computer was blowing at full blast... sounded like it was going to explode!

2nd DAY

• paper and plastic bags sound really, really, really loud and obnoxious... even the rustling of a TISSUE gets to me -- it's incredible
• while driving to work the morning after my hook-up, i heard a very quiet "click... click... click-click... click" sound -- when i finally figured out what it was, i almost died -- i actually heard my KEYCHAIN dangling from the ignition, making a clutter-y sound
• i can hear myself breathing -- this is just plain WEIRD
• the fan in the bathroom at work sounds *ominously* loud -- i have to turn off my processor when i go in there because it hurts my ear
• the "swoop-swoop-swoop" sound of my printer cartridge going back and forth when my printer is spitting out a document -- this sound is distracting
• when eating a granola bar for breakfast (Special K - yum!) i heard myself chewing -- this is unusual, too because i am *not* used to it

(side note ~ i wonder: HOW DO YOU NORMAL-HEARING PEOPLE PUT UP WITH ALL THIS NOISE!?!???)

• the water faucet produces an unusual "shreeeeechy" sound -- not pleasant at ALL
• when a co-worker of mine laughed, i swear i heard the Crypt Keeper cackling (from HBO's "Tales from the Crypt") -- what a frightening sound
• i heard my co-workers talking to each other while i was working at the opposite end of the office -- even though i did not understand what they were saying, i heard them talking and that is just so cool!
• when another co-worker of mine was shaking a paper packet of instant oatmeal, i thought i heard someone sawing a piece of wood -- very odd
• i noticed my male boss was talking to me a little strangely (he sounds like a woman, from what i remember with my HA's) -- well, he was actually whispering for fear of talking too loud and i could tell, so i told him to talk normally because that will help me
• the key-pad on the copy machine at work actually BEEPS!
• while watching TV during my lunch break, i noticed that female voices sound raspy/whispery - sort of like "bedroom talk" - while male voices sound robotic and a bit "Mickey-Mouse-ish" still
• the cleaning crew came to our work and had to use the vacuum cleaner... this is BY FAR the most *horrendous* and *painful* sound ever!!!
• the Recycle Bin on my desktop on my home computer actually makes a "WHOOSH!" sound... like garbage emptying -- this is really neat
• when hubby came home from work, i heard him ring the door bell... i jumped up and down when i could tell he was home

DAY THREE -- after 2nd mapping session

(i experienced a lot of the same sounds, but with more distinction and clarity... voices were especially less mechanical and tinny... this was a relief)

• heard my dress-pants make a "swish swish swish" sound when i was walking
• the space-heater at my work makes a really neat whirring sound, but gets distracting after a while (just like the printer)
• at the drug store -- while talking to the pharmacist, her back was turned (so i couldn't read her lips), but i heard her say, 'I'll be right with you...' -- WOW!
• when grocery shopping, heard the Self-Check-Out machine say, "Don't forget to take your receipt." -- i almost started giggling right there in the store!
• i finally heard my microwave and oven timer beeping... no burned dinner, yay!
• while i was in the kitchen, talking to my hubby, he was in the bedroom -- i heard his responses, but he didn't hear mine and had to actually come out and ask me to repeat myself -- we were both SOOO thrilled about this
• talked to both of my parents on mycell phone and understood almost everything they said!

DAY FOUR

(a lot of this stuff gets repeated, so i'll just list the last few really interesting sounds i heard)

• the battery-warning beep on my speech processor -- now i know it takes about 4 days for the two AA batteries to die... not bad, i guess?
• while driving home from work, my car went over a manhole cover and i heard it go "clunkety-clunk" -- what a funny sound
• my own voice sounds much better, as do others' voices -- men are more "macho" and women less squeaky, but still whispery

i'm sure a lot of these sounds will change as i become more accustomed to the new programs in my processor. i will try coming back here to update every so often when things get interesting. in the meantime, this is pretty much the way it's been the last few days... and I AM LOVING IT!!!

:o)

(The Day After) Hook-Up Day

hook-up day was quite the day, to say the least! when my husband and i showed up at my audiologist's office, another woman working there (i can't remember her name, so we'll call her "Sally") asked me if she could observe. i assumed she was in training or whatever so i say i don't mind if she joins us. now it's hubby, my audiologist, Judy, and "Sally" watching...

the first thing Judy tells me is to take off my right hearing aid (from my unimplanted ear). then she makes me promise not to wear it while i'm getting used to my CI. i was expecting this, but still ask how long i would have to go without it. Judy tells me maybe 2 weeks... it all depends. she says, 'if you don't wear your hearing aid and just practice hearing with your CI, you will make both our lives easier.' i get it... and am prepared (or so i think).

the next thing Judy does is plug the speech processor into her computer so she can hook it up to the programming software. the magnet is attached to my head and the microphone is looped over my ear. then Judy starts programming the first map, which is determined by setting each of the 22 electrodes inside my cochlea. first, she tests the T-levels (threshold) to be loud enough for me to be aware of a sound... and then she tests the C-levels (comfort) so the sound is not too loud as to cause discomfort.

as Judy goes through the T-levels it takes a while b/c my tinnitus is acting up and i am having trouble distinguishing between the beeps from the computer and the beeping in my head. the mapping for the C-levels seems to go by much easier. it was even fun testing how loud i could handle the beeping! even though the tinnitus is annoying, i think i manage just fine. i must mention that during this whole process, i can't hear a THING (except for all beeping), so being able to lip-read Judy is a relief!

as soon as Judy is finished with the map, she says to me, 'okay, i'm going to turn you on now.' earlier, before we started, Sally told me she was amazed at how calm i looked. i explained to her, 'i know what to expect because i've done so much reading and research about it.' she was still surprised that i wasn't more nervous. i then said to her, 'it's all a mask... i'm freaking out inside, actually.' maybe my calm demeanor came from the fact that i thought i knew what to expect, but i definitely was NOT prepared for what i heard when Judy switched the processor on...

it was SOOO squeaky and "squeal-ey" and uncomfortable! i was taken aback at how AWFUL everything sounded. i looked at Judy and simply said, 'I DON'T LIKE IT.' she looked so heartbroken, IMO. i know she wasn't taking it personally, but my reaction was obviously not pleasant. i asked for a tissue and then the tears started to fall. i was crying and crying because i just couldn't STAND the horrible noises i was hearing. my poor husband was holding my hand and telling me something to calm me down, but i obviously wasn't making any sense of it. even the man i married sounded absolutely dreadful...

well, it took me a few moments to realize that the *ghastly* squeaky sounds i was hearing were actually VOICES. Judy and Kathleen (another audiologist who came to observe the "moment of truth") were talking to me... and it sounded TERRIBLE. i honestly hated it. even though i *knew* i wasn't supposed to expect people's voices to sound natural, i definitely didn't expect them to be so DISTURBING! the best way to describe the way everyone sounded was like "Mickey Mouse on speed." i can't think of anything worse than that...it really was NOT a fun sensation.

even though i didn't have my hopes up (or at least i don't think i did), i was not expecting to DISLIKE the sounds i was hearing. i even hated the sound of my OWN voice. imagine hearing yourself talking as if you inhaled too much helium. THAT is what i sounded like to myself. granted, at least i *was* hearing things, even if i didn't necessarily enjoy them, but what made the initial turn-on even more traumatic was the tinnitus. i told Judy that i kept hearing an incessant squealing sound that would not go away. i heard this squealing *on top of* all the squeaky Mickey Mouse voices... it was just icky. well, when Judy turned off the processor to adjust the map, i STILL heard the squealing. Kathleen explained to me that it was my tinnitus i was hearing, and not any other noise from the outside. i was *not* happy about this at all.

well, after i calmed down and let the sound 'wash over me like a wave' (Kathleen's words), i eventually stopped crying. having my husband there with me also helped me calm down. little by little, i was starting to make out some words being said. i did not understand specific words at first, but could discern speech. then Kathleen stood behind me and started talking about the scab on my head from the incision (it hasn't fallen off yet and is really gross). i actually understood Kathleen saying, 'blah blah blah... scab fell off... blah blah blah' and i was SO surprised! even Judy's eyes popped out of her head. i guess that's a good thing, huh?

as i type this, i am at the end of my 2nd day wearing the processor and things are MUCH better. i don't want to skip too far ahead by saying that other voices sound better and that my own voice isn't as awful, either. there is *so much* i am still absorbing... so much i'm still figuring out... so much i am still trying to make sense of... and the adventure has JUST started! at least sounds are making more sense to me today than they did yesterday, so i feel much better.

i'll keep posting more 'CI moments' on here, but right now, it's just TOO overwhelming to include it all in one entry. my ear is very tired - as it should be from a long day of listening - so i must go to sleep...

g'night all!

~Linda

A mini-biography, so to speak...

On January 4th, I underwent surgery for the Nucleus® 24 Contour™ cochlear implant… and I am *sooo* excited and nervous and scared and curious and everything all at the same time! I'm not sure where to start, so I'll just get the basics out of the way…

I am 27 years old and have been hard of hearing my whole life. My parents first discovered my hearing loss when I was about 3 years old – and that's when I was fitted with hearing aids. Nobody has ever been able to tell me how/why I lost my hearing, although there are two theories: (1) my mother was exposed to Rubella (German Measles) when she was pregnant with me; (2) I had a violent reaction to a smallpox vaccine I received when I was still a baby (these were routinely given out until 1978 in the former Czechoslovakia, where I was born). Regardless of what the cause of my hearing loss is, it's irrelevant now.

My family immigrated to the United States in 1983 when I was 6 years old and that is when I was "officially" diagnosed with sensorineural hearing loss in both ears. As time went on, my hearing loss progressed, but fortunately, I was able to function pretty well with hearing aids. I was mainstreamed all through grammar, middle and high school. I used my HA's and an FM System to get by. I graduated college (The College of New Jersey) with a B.A. in psychology and finished graduate school (Montclair State University) with an M.A. in counseling. I received both degrees with an ‘A’ average! This is something I'm *very* proud of, considering the circumstances.

Now I work for a center for independent living helping people with disabilities obtain services through the ADA. It is a good agency to work for, but ironically, it is not something I want to spend the rest of my life doing. I was planning to go back to school to become licensed as a mental health counselor, but circumstances beyond my control put a damper on those plans… temporarily.

On October 2nd, while my husband and I were at a friend's wedding, I lost almost all the hearing in my left ear. First, I heard an awful ringing sound that would not go away (tinnitus) and then BAM! Nothing. This all happened in the span of a weekend… and to my "good" ear, no less. Initially, I believed that my hearing aid had malfunctioned and that it was fixable. Well, that was not the case. An otolaryngologist's check-up confirmed the worst: I had suffered sudden onset hearing loss in my left ear for no known reason -- from 95db to 105db (my right ear remains at about 100db).

Naturally, I was DEVASTATED... and not prepared to hear the doctor say the words, "Have you ever considered getting a cochlear implant?" First, I barely heard him, but thanks to my speechreading skills (which I have relied on my whole life), I understood what he was saying. Second, I am ashamed to admit that the idea of a cochlear implant had never occurred to me. I couldn't even imagine being "one of those CI people." It was a narrow-minded way of thinking, I realize that now, but that was my attitude up until that point.

Fast-forward 3 months later -- after much research and studying -- I am proud and excited to be a Nucleus® 24 Contour cochlear implant recipient. My surgery was performed at Saint Barnabas Medical Center in Livingston, New Jersey by Dr. Laura Downey -- a *WONDERFUL* woman. The hospital stay was something else, to say the least. My staples were removed less than a week later (8 of them), but it wasn't too bad. The worst part of the surgery's after-effects was the dizziness -- imagine feeling drunk without any alcohol. Also, the left side of my tongue went numb. Food has a “slimy” feel to it because I can’t really taste with half my tongue, but that is supposed to go away eventually. The aching, throbbing pain at the incision site was no fun, either. Tylenol with Codeine was my best friend for about a week after surgery. Now that a scab has formed, the incision site really itches, so I’m anxious for it to fall off and finally heal.

Fortunately, my whole family (mother, father, younger brother) and husband of 2 years (the day of the surgery was our anniversary!) have been extremely supportive. Even my friends surprised me with their well wishes and enthusiasm - both during and after the whole ordeal. While I was home recuperating, I took the time to put together a web site with pictures and informative links so that everyone could see what I was going through. It is located here: Linda's Cochlear Implant

Now I am anxiously waiting for my hook-up date -- February 7th!!! I have so many questions and so many fears and so many hopes, I don't even know how to put them to words. On February 2nd, I met with my audiologist (Judy, another wonderful woman), who gave me the "CI orientation" and even allowed me to take my SPRint™ processor home (not turned on, of course) so I can get used to wearing it. I've had it on every day since then and think it is SOOO cool! The magnet does not feel weird at all (like I thought it would), but the body-worn "box" is a bit cumbersome. Although I am getting used to it, I can't wait to start wearing the ESPrit 3G BTE processor (I’ll get that 2 days after my initial hook-up).

I have not met anyone in person with a cochlear implant (yet), but have been reading a wonderful book to help me become better acquainted with the new journey I am about to embark on. This book is called Bridge to Sound with a 'Bionic' Ear by Cynthia Farley. I highly recommend it to *anyone* who has any questions whatsoever about cochlear implants.

I guess that is my story. I hope I didn't babble too much, or sound too wimpy, but I know everyone's experience is different. Allowing myself to be a little more dramatic than usual is helping me deal with everything in a better way. It also feels good to be able to share this story with others in hopes that they will be able to make a better decision about whether or not to get a CI themselves. For those that still aren't sure, I say, "GO FOR IT!"